A woman who loves is powerful a woman who loves herself is unstoppable

Every month my moon blood remind me I’m not pregnant anymore and  new pregnancy journey has not begun.

I’ve been calling and manifesting this fiery little baby goddess ..

In my diary I wrote:

I manifest a little warrior goddess

She is fire

She is wild

Her heart is open like a lotus flower

She flows with emotions and yet she is grounded to the earth

She runs wild

She loves heard

She knows what she is here for

She knows about magic and she has healing hands

She fights for what she wants and she can manifest her intentions

She listens to the voice of the trees

She comes to teach about unconditional love and the wild ways of nature’

WHAT IS YOUR NAME WILD CREATURE?

Are you coming to stay?

You are loved already.

I recently started an acupuncture journey with a wise woman. She said “you have lost your fire”

Those words make me think about whom was I manifesting? Was it a baby? Was I calling back my true self, my inner fire? Has my inner goddess lost or I’ve I lost the awareness of her?

My ability to self-love, It may be lacking these days, the fact that things are not going to plan, as I manifested is making me feel I’m no good in magic anymore.

I feel my power has left me, I trust the universe.. but really.. I’m not. I’m impatient, upset, not kind to myself, I plan, I organize  I’m constantly checking what is going on in my body or in my mind.

I use my mind instead of my intuition.

When have I ever done that?

Never. That is never been my nature.

But hey, life gives you opportunities to learn.. I’m dwelling on it and I must not.

So this new moon cycle I manifested, my true self, I called my inner goddess back.. I said I love you to myself in the pages of my diary..

……

After the healing treatment and all this thinking..  a huge wave of sadness drowned my spirit. What’s happened I’m not sure? Emotions flowing inward and outward..  Like wind spirals, shaking me until there is no sense of direction anymore.. Like when you spin spin spin and you stop and you don’t know where you are anymore. And then waves.. Big waves while I swim in A deep ocean full of memories, thoughts, dreams, intentions, flashbacks,  .. Catching me and taking me down, then I emerge for seconds and here it is another wave even bigger.. You know when you feel/smell that thing in your head or mouth? You are not sure where is coming from, like when you hurt your head.

After that I felt nothing.. just the wish all of this stuff will come to an end.

Is this new? Is this old? What am I sad for? Still my brain trying to find a reason why.. Analyse, analyse, analyse..

I feel too tired now so I surrender to this crazy motion. I still feel it’s hurting but in another way.. at least I’m not desperately fighting my way out so there no more active movement.. I let my body and soul float wherever needs to go. My heart is desperate to know where I’m going and when things are going to happen.. Or something..

Oh please tell me what is going on Universe

Tarots are playing with me. Same card over and over again.. a woman healing another woman… And so I say ok I understand that BUT what about after that?

I can see the mother tarots laughing at me whilst she sends me random cards (THE ONE I DON’T LIKE OR I DON’T UNDERSTAND FULLY) her way to say – Stop asking dear Luna.

I stop this nonsense.

My tired exhausted body lands on a seashore,

My fire has left .. But what is lost is not gone forever.

I can see it burning in the middle of the wild forest so a walk toward it.. This time I walk slowly barefoot on the land and I observe not with my eyes, but with my third eye, and I smell and I feel.. I feel what is around me. I intend to keep my brain off and my heart open to the journey, it is timeless and space less.

Who is this goddess I’ve been calling?

Am I reclaiming my true self back?

A desperate voice, my inner goddess is calling me back

Your name is Virginia, virgin like the untouched wild forest

And Luna is your power, you have the ability to change, wain and wax and you move the oceans!

I’m Virgina Luna.

I’m coming back

I’m calling my true self back

I light my fire

I let this fire within me warm my broken heart and light my spirit

Yes Im coming back to stay – She says or maybe not.. who knows 🙂

I’m me – I’m power

And I say –  I love you

I honour me

I honour my journey

I honour my beauty

I honour  my fire

I’m love

My spirit is wild and awake.

 

Photo:
Tegenubngan Waterfall – Gianyar – Bali
Me and Matt’s first date (october 2015)