Oak and I – When we said goodbye

I wasn’t ready to pick a name for my baby yet, but we thought that might have helped to let go and to his soul never to be forgotten.

We named you Oak.

The spirit of the oaks guides the pathway between the worlds. Oak’s roots reach the centre of the earth and his branches the Heaven “As above, so below”. The oak’s medicine is about cosmic wisdom and embodied strength.

You are gone Baby Oak,

We find a little oak tree, we offered flowers, blackberries, We sat there and cried and said goodbye.. We said goodbye by the sea too, the sun was shining and tears wouldn’t stop.

A week afte you were gone, I returned to the oak tree again, I sat down on the earth with the spirit of my baby .. and cried more. I offered my moon blood to the earth and to the oak tree. I smudged sacred smoke in honour of his spirit and I prayed.

May you return to mother earth.

May your soul be forever with our ancestors

May you bloom in spring, and rest towards fall.

May you feel the sun beaming upon you in summer and be still in time and space in the icy winter mornings.

May you forever nest in my heart, I have no memory of your physical body, baby Oak, but your soul left a blue print into mine, may it will be remembered thought generations to come.

You have changed my forever, like only a baby can.

May the light return to shine my spirit soon.

……

I‘ve been worried, worried a lot about loss, things happening to me, my family my husband because of what happened to you. This loss brought up a kind of worried mama heart that I have not yet experienced; and that scares me so much. I don’t like that I don’t like not to trust, that is my main quality I’m so proud and happy about. My husband has fallen in love with it. He said I’m worried I’m going to lose my Luna.

When I hear him calling me Luna, I remember The Magic, My heart wild and free that Trust the universe. I remembered I have 5 senses but a lot of other more. I remembered I have wisdom.

I know the sadness and the grief is ok. The healing will take place and Trust will come back and Magic too. My connection with the spirit will be stronger than ever been.

Maybe there will be another time and space where thing will be perfect.

I’ve never found this place before, the space of death and loss and now I have the experience within me.

Now I know: I need to allow life to happen, things to flow, or at least that is the mantra I remind myself every day.

Experiencing the magic of being pregnant, a life growing into my womb.. oh how extraordinary that was? Alchemy of life, creating a baby, I can still not believe it happened to me.

And then holding the mystery of death within my body. What a privilege and what a journey. My shamanic soul is now wiser and enriched.

My ego planned something different for you Oak, for us. But yet you taught me The Spirit follows other mysterious plans.